This blog has always been a place for me to ramble when needs be and sometimes, these posts are for nobody’s benefit but my own and I think this may be one of them but who knows, it may resonate with someone.
I spoke on my Instagram in September last year and have spoken on the blog many times about my breakup. This isn’t about that but long story short, together for three years, lived together, lies, upset, break up, heart break – yeah.
That was rough like VERY rough but I got through it and came out the other side a few months later feeling ready to meet someone new. I wasn’t actively looking but I was open to feeling for someone again.
In March this year, on the day I left the flat I’d shared with my ex no less, a boy walked into my life, out of nowhere and turned my head instantly.
I felt for him in that moment, the way I felt the day I’d met my ex. I don’t necessarily believe in love at first sight but I do believe that you know when you’ve met someone who is going to change your life and that’s how I felt when I met him.
At first, I was a bit of a closed book. I had been hurt so badly that I wasn’t going to let that happen again but when you’ve met someone that makes you feel that special way, you can’t keep your barriers up no matter how hard you try and before I knew it, I was falling head over heels.
He seemed like everything I wanted, we spent so much time together, I cared so much for him and would’ve gone to the ends of the world and back if he needed me too. I went out of my way to make him happy and just seeing him smile made it all worthwhile. I very quickly made him a priority and rightly or wrongly given the time frame, felt so strongly towards him.
After a few months, the whirlwind came to an end and as with my previous breakup, it wasn’t my choice and I had no control in the decision, it was made for me.
Although I knew this heartbreak hurt less and would last a lot less time, it still hurt and because I wasn’t strong enough to cut contact with him, it’s continued to re-hurt for months since but this whole thing has taught me about falling in and out of love for the second time.
I wanted to talk about this because everyone talks to you about your first love and your first heartbreak and what they’ll be like but no one tells you what it is like to do this for the second time.
I guess we don’t talk about it because we don’t want to have to go through it. We all want to fall in love just once and if we’re going to have to have our hearts broken, just the once is more than enough but unfortunately, we don’t all fall lucky and we do have to go there more than once and it is so different the second time.
Let’s start with falling in love for the second time. In my experience, it just isn’t as easy. You just don’t let yourself fall quite so care free. First time round, there’s a beautiful sense of naivety about it all. You’ve never been hurt. Falling in love has never gone wrong. It’s all just an adventure that you may be apprehensive about but you’re not scared. That blissful ignorance allows you to fall for someone with no hesitation but falling in love for the second time, especially after heartbreak, isn’t like that- or at least for me it wasn’t.
When you find that second person and feel those feelings come back, you know what they are. You don’t get that same feeling of anticipating the unknown because you already know how this could end and it’s hard not to skip straight to that part. It’s hard to sit back and enjoy falling in love when you know that this could end in heartbreak.
It is hard to knowingly walk back into the fire when you already know you could get burnt but at the same time, falling for the second time is also an incredible feeling. For me, it was like an awakening that there was more to life than the person that had hurt me. After a breakup, you feel like you’ll be alone forever and falling for the second time makes you realise that you have met someone else and you can be happy again and in a way, that experience feels so much more special because it provokes those emotions.
As for the heartbreak, I can’t say it doesn’t hurt the second time but for me, in my circumstance, it hurt less. The time together was shorter, the drama was less and I guess the feelings towards each other, as real as they were, were weaker, so it was easier but it still hurt.
Personally, getting my heart broken for the second time was a bit of an eye roll moment. I felt sick and my chest hurt and my head ran away with me, of course it did, but it did just make my eyes roll.
It was kind of like ‘here we go again’. I guess I always assumed falling in love would end like this because it did last time. I wasn’t surprised I’d ended up here so it all felt so much easier to stomach but it did hurt, you’re just programmed to cope better.
I was stronger going into this situation than I was the first time and because of that, I had my cry and then I took a step back and realised that I’d got through it once and would definitely get through it again.
Saying that though, that second heartbreak was a weird one for me because I have to admit, I wasn’t so forthcoming at accepting it. First time round, I was so weak I just accepted it, I had no fight but with my new found strength, I tried to fight back the second time and turn things around, save the situation, make changes to make it work but in reality, I should’ve used that strength to walk away and work on myself, not the relationship.
So, in summary, falling in love for the second time is equally one of the most refreshing but terrifying feelings in the world and equally, heartbreak number two hurts a lot but you’ll take it in your stride much better.
All I can say is let it happen. Don’t hesitate to fall for Mr or Mrs Right 2.0 because they could be the one and bringing issues from past relationships into new ones is a recipe for failure, so leave the past in the past and look at this relationship as a brand new start.
If you’ve just had your heart broken for the second time – do not blame yourself. It is easy to think that after going through it again that it must be something to do with you but it isn’t, you just haven’t met the one and you’ll never be right, no matter what you do, for the wrong person.
I hope this has helped someone that is at any stage of this whole journey, my messages are always open if you need me!